U.S. TO INVADE LUXEMBOURG!And, as if that weren't enough...Showing bold and determined leadership, President Bush plans to add the tiny nation of Luxembourg to his growing list of conquests, according to a stunning published report. [...]
"President Bush is furious at how old Europe continues to confront the U.S.," Bletzer says. "He feels America has to do something very dramatic to show the world who's the boss. Taking over a country in the very heart of Europe is designed to be a wake-up call to the rest of the continent."
BUSH READIES FOR WAR WITH CHINAPresident Bush has headed off an impending war with China and has brought the once-mighty communist superpower to its knees -- by buying the world's entire supply of chopsticks!
Cornering the market on chopsticks ensures that the Chinese will be unable to fight a major war against the U.S. by depriving them of their traditional way to eat, according to White House sources.
"China may have the world's largest standing army, but without food their troops wouldn't have the strength to march or fight," explains a senior administration official who spoke on the condition of anonymity.
Okay, that second one is slightly less plausible. But Luxembourg better watch its back, especially since we will be ready for them.
UPDATE: Wait. That last one is 100% true.
No comments:
Post a Comment